Which for many of you is a normal occurrence right? It’s not everyday that you see people hanging out all day in their pajamas. And I’m not talking sexy pajamas that the Victoria’s Secret Angels wear all day (obviously). I am not even talking cute matching pajamas. I am talking about the dirty laundry pajamas that you throw on to cover yourself pajamas.
Last night as I was laying in bed, I came to the realization that I was at the end of my rope. My house is a mess. There is so much clean laundry on the couch, you couldn’t sit if you wanted to. Paperwork covers the dining table. I haven’t ran the dishwasher in days and the trash smells. I am exhausted. Overwhelmed.
I’m 23. I am a housewife. My husband was diagnosed last September with brain cancer. He is doing extraordinarily well, by the GRACE and healing power of our Loving Lord. Welcome to our life.
I think I had slipped just a little bit into a depressive state. I think after uncanny amounts of adrenaline running through your system for long will do that to you. I found myself spending hours on the bathroom floor, under a quilt, with the hairdryer running. It became so soothing. The whirr, the warmth and Tiny Wings. Yes, it is a game on the iPhone. Get it. You won’t be sorry. Tears were constantly ready to slip our with only the tiniest bit of provocation. Poor Matt. And I hadn’t gotten “dressed” in a length of time too embarrassing to even tell you, being that we are only just getting to know one another.
But as I sat this morning eating a granola bar, and reading in Jeremiah, it hit me. Running out of rope is the best thing that has happened to me in a while. This is what faith is about. Running out of rope. And when you realize that you have done it. That there is no more left, you realize there is another rope. A better rope. One that can’t run out on you. And God is waiting and whispering, “Grab the rope.” “Grab. The. Rope.”
So I did. And I got dressed today.